Are you loveable?

“I have everything I wanted -- but I wanted all the wrong things," says Desperate Housewives character Gabrielle Solis about her marriage.

When it comes to choosing a life partner, experts say too many of us remain clueless about what we really want and need.

The key to a successful love life isn’t being lucky enough to find the “perfect partner”. The key lies with you and you alone deciding what you want.

Be happy with yourself first

How many times do you hear people refer to their partner as their other or better half?

When it comes to the perfect partner we can place too much reliance on another person “completing us”. And the trouble starts when we seek a partner to fulfil us in ways that only we can fulfil ourselves.

If you are looking to a partner to make you feel worthwhile, to make you feel happy, to rescue you from an unhappy life, to make you feel complete or whole – then you are setting yourself and the other person up to fail.

So before you go out and look for someone to share your life with make sure you are already living a happy, full and vibrant life.

Understand what’s important to you

This is all about your values and goals. So make a list of what’s really important to you. And by the way this is not the same as a list of must-haves - such as must be over 6ft, must be able to cook, must have blue eyes. Your values represent who you are and what you need. They will remain regardless of how old you are.

Be ruthless, be direct with yourself and prioritise. If you have more than 5 things that are must have values then you will continue to struggle to find a partner.

Find out how you like to receive love

If you are over the age of 12, and unless you have been extremely unlucky chances are you have had a positive relationship with someone in your life. Think about the friends, family, colleagues that have energised you, helped you grow, left you feeling fulfilled, people with whom you can be yourself, who you feel safe with.

It is likely that the character traits of the people who have been part of your positive relations are the same as those you will seek in a love relationship.

Make your self Loveable

Imagine there is a Loveability scale 1 to 10, with 10 being most lovable. Where would you put yourself on the scale today? Whatever level you pick, you are rarely going to attract someone at a higher level than the one you are on, let alone someone to pull you up above the level you occupy. So think about what great things you bring to the party, what you will add to someone else’s life, how you will make another persons’ life richer because of you.

Work on yourself to move up the Loveability Scale. This means feeling better about yourself and knowing that you are on your journey to success, happiness and fulfilment, with or without a partner. From this level you will be able to attract a partner who will be worthy of you.

Learn what you can do to increase your chances of finding love. Become a member to take our LOVE course.