Do you feel most people are more confident than you?

Well it probably isn’t true.

Most people suffer severe doubts about their ability to deal with challenges in everyday life, even if they have done them before!

That fear can cause them not to put themselves forward, introduce themselves or take an opportunity – exactly like the quotation says.

Do you think a stand-up comedian performing in front of hundreds of people has confidence?

Yes, but probably less than you think!

Would you like to obtain some of the confidence it takes to be a comedian?  Do you think it will help you in your work, relationships and other activities where you feel yourself challenged?

Well you can!  If you can make yourself available on Sunday 13th of May to attend a Comedy Club in central Manchester, you can learn the tricks of the trade and be coached by a professional stand-up comedian.

Positive Input is supporting this enterprising initiative called  The Funny Thing About Confidence

Numbers will be limited and it may not happen again - so if you are up for the challenge and the better life it will bring you – move quickly to find out more – go to http://www.employmentking.co.uk/coaching/confidence-building-course/

This link will take you to an exclusive offer for early bookings which has been made available to Positive Input Update readers.

Don’t let your Doubts continue to betray you – click here

PS We are hoping that we may be able to get the organiser and the professional comedian of this one day on a webinar later this month.  Watch out for more details!

Hello again

I had a dream which likened the European Economy Union to the Titanic.

The theory of the Titanic's ‘unsinkability’ was its watertight compartments.  In this case, the Greek compartment seems to have been damaged beyond repair, although the issue has been shelved for the moment. Next come Italy, Spain and Portugal which are probably beyond repair. Ireland and Britain are also badly damaged but have managed to convince the world they can be fixed.

The question is....
whether the other compartments can keep the ship afloat.  Some of them are keeping very quiet and may not be in as good shape as they would have us believe.

Probably nobody knows the whole picture and survival of the system is more dependent on keeping confidence up than actual facts. In this context the collapse of the European money system is more ‘unthinkable’ rather than ‘unsinkable’ - but it did happen to the Titanic!

So what has this to do with us? ...
If we owe money to the Banks, Credit Card companies or Building Societies, then we are paying interest every month to keep their system afloat.

Hitherto these money lending organisations have been content for us to keep paying the interest. In fact they didn’t really want the debts repaid.

However if the financial muddle gets out of control, and they have to pay back some of the money they borrowed to lend you, their attitude will suddenly change. They will start leaning on individuals, couples and families to get some of their money back.  They will increase pressure by ‘sending the boys round’ to those who they think can repay and the Courts and Bailiffs will be really busy for those who can’t.

The best thing is to be prepared, although we can and should still hope this scenario does not occur.

Positive Input is launching a tool to help you do this. This is called the Money Tracker. Its purpose is to help you find what happens to your money and exactly how much you are paying at the moment to keep the ‘money lending industry’ afloat.

And it is not just the amount you pay in interest and service charges on your loans, you will find there are other areas where money is being taken from your earnings that you didn’t know about and which you can do something about.

I will be discussing the Money Tracker with its developer, Sue Weighell in our Webinar on Wednesday 28th March.  This Money Tracker will help hard pressed households to get a clear picture

Many of us have to live on a lot less of our money than we earn!

Why is that? Because we have allowed others into our financial world and they take what they think they are entitled to without us realising how much that is costing us.

So what can we do about it?  The first step is to know what is going in our financial world and spot who is ripping us off. Then we can start to take action.

We all know about the Tax Man but he is not the best place to start.

There are banks, credit card companies, insurance companies, financial companies of all sorts and utility companies.  Among the culprits we will often find ourselves! We may have set-up things that automatically take money out of our account and then forgotten about them.

Our next Webinar will be 'HOW TO KEEP MORE OF THE MONEY YOU ALREADY EARN'

We will be examining the subject with Sue Weighell of Delta Solutions who is a roving Financial Director. She helps companies understand what happens to their money and how to keep more of it.

She will give us some simple insights into the ways we can do the same. The benefit to us is we will have more disposable income to spend on the things we really want.

The Webinar HOW TO KEEP MORE OF THE MONEY YOU ALREADY EARN will be on Wednesday 28th March at 8PM. You can register your place now by clicking here and receive automatic reminders closer to the time.

At the Webinar we will also be launching our MONEY TRACKER. This is a simple free, programme which you run on your computer to show where your money goes and to help you to return it to your control. We will show you how to do it and support you during the few months it takes to bring that money back under your control.

However  to get access to the MONEY TRACKER programme you have to be a subscribing member of Positive Input. To find out about membership and the special trial offer available at the moment - click here

You don't have to be a member to attend the Webinar and get the general information. The webinar is absolutely free and there is no obligation.

Date & Time: Tuesday 13th March 2012 at 8pm. Registration Details to follow.

If you talk to some of the older people you know who are not in a good situation, they can tell you what they should have done then to change their situation. Trouble was they didn’t know it then.

If there was a way to get the right information and skills to prevent you drifting into a dismal old age, would you want to know about it? Of course you would!

The good news is.......
Positive Input is here to help you on the journey to life long success.  Isn’t it worth at least finding out what can be done and what is on offer?

You can do this by clicking on the link below. It will cost you nothing to find out about becoming a member of Positive Input.
http://www.positive-input.org/cms/become-a-member

HSBC says: ‘Two thirds of the people who have ever achieved the age of 65, Are Alive Today’

To me this means two things.
1. We are all living a lot longer
2. 65 is the age traditionally associated with retirement.

So back to the song – Who will need us and who will feed us - when we can’t or are not allowed to work anymore?

Less than 10% of the population will have financial security, which means enough income to maintain a comfortable lifestyle, when they stop work.

So what is a comfortable lifestyle? It depends on your tastes and habits. Do you know how much you need to maintain a comfortable lifestyle for you?

Do you want to have the financial security to ensure you are not in the 90% who don't have it?

These aren’t easy questions to answer.

Positive Input wants to help those people who are prepared to face up to this issue.

We start with a Webinar on Thursday 2nd February entitled ‘How to get the Financial Security you really want’.  https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/720436462

This will be a discussion with Stuart Shelton who is a renowned Certified Financial Planner. We will look what people can expect from their employers pensions and the government pension.  We will then look at the principles and other options relating to supporting oneself financially in old age.

We have a DIY survey which will enable you to work towards the answer to the question ‘How much will you need to live when you stop work?’

Once you have done this, then it will be possible to look realistically at the options for improving the situation, to ensure you join the 10% and have a comfortable old age.

You can register for this webinar now at https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/720436462

To get on the webinar
1. click on the link below and you will be taken to a registration page.
2. You will be asked your name and email address and you will be sent an entry link that is unique to you.
3. Just before 8pm on Thursday, click on your entry link and you will be taken to the waiting room, ready for the Webinar.
It's as easy as that!

Click here now to register - www3.gotomeeting.com/register/720436462

The Media is talking doom and gloom for the economy and job prospects. Yet most business people you talk to are very busy and most employers are still looking for good staff.

If you are in the active sector of the economy, that is someone who is producing something of value, then you are still master or mistress of your own destiny.

It is as possible for you to get the life you really want in 2012 as it was in 2007, when the British economy was supposedly booming!

The Positive Input Webinar series – How to get the Life you really want! – starts on Tues 17th  at 8pm (20.00GMT).  The first one is called  - How to get the Job you really want!

To book your place click here - https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/394885022

This webinar is not for people who are unemployed!  It is for people who are working but feel dissatisfied with the job they are doing for one or more reasons.

The climate the media is feeding us says employment prospects mean we should hang on to an unfulfilling job because we won’t be able to find anything better.

Even if you are working for yourself, you may be dissatisfied with your employer and wish to move your job towards the one you really want!

Our Expert interview will be with Chris Delaney of Employment King. He has a wealth of experience in helping people get and develop the job they want.  He will be covering the many options and tools available to help you create the job you really want.

You can book your place on this Free Webinar now by clicking on this link

https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/394885022

Spaces are limited to 100 so book now to avoid the risk of being turned away.

Take a minute now to write down one thing you can do differently from today to make your life better!

Better still write down three things (one for each King) but only if you are determined to do them. I have just done mine!

Positive Input is getting down to helping with its programme of Webinars. These will be interviews with Experts in different fields with the common theme ‘How to get the Life you really want’.

We will be starting on Tuesday January 17th with ‘How to get the Job you really want’.  Our Expert interview will be with Chris Delaney of Employment King. He has a wealth of experience in helping people get and develop the job they want.

You don’t have to be unemployed for this to be relevant. You may well have a good job but is it the job you really want?   You may have to change your employer or you may find that the job you have now can be changed for the better.

Even if you are working for yourself, you may be dissatisfied with your employer and wish to move your job towards the one you really want!

Later on we will be covering such things as:
How to get the Love Relationship you really want.
How to get the Money you really want.
How to get the Happiness you really want.

Please feel free to to forward this email to anyone who you feel it may help.

More news soon,
Oh yes, and Happy New Year!

If you are not, don’t bother to read any further. You can join the large number of people who make resolutions with little intention of keeping them and end up in the same situation, or maybe worse, at the end of next year!

Here’s Chris:

After a month of eating, drinking and being merry many of us when January arrives decide to make New Year resolutions that we won’t keep. The thought of a New Year, a new beginning, a new start is a great platform for setting new goals and new resolutions. New Year resolutions come in all shapes and sizes, from people wanting to be millionaires to securing a new job, but why do people with these good intentions in January,  fall back into their old routine by February?

Today you will learn the ten key mistakes that all failed New Year resolution makers make and how to avoid them.

1.       Pain or Pleasure;  Your mind focuses on what you say (internally and externally) which means when you set this year New Year resolution you need to state it in the positive, as a pleasure. When you tell yourself “I can’t find my car keys” you will look and look but never find them, until someone points out that your car keys are on the table in full view, the table that you checked several times. The same psychology works on New Year resolutions. If you focus on a negative goal you will achieve a negative result (not finding your car keys). If you focus on a pleasure goal you will achieve a pleasurable outcome as your mind focuses on what you tell it to focus on. As an example, if you have a pain goal “Not to be fat” your mind creates an image of you being fat and the focus will be on you as a fat person – not very motivational. If you change your goal to a pleasure goal, “I will be in a size 12 dress by May 2012” your mind creates a image of you looking fab in a size 12 dress, very motivational.

2.       Getting Committed;  Most goals are personal, which means many of us keep our goals private. The problem with private New Year resolutions is that when you decide not to follow through on them you are only letting yourself down and for most people this is fine. But if you commit to other people, you are more likely to take action, as we generally hate to let other people down or for other people to view us as a failure.  To keep on track with this year's resolution, commit your resolution to others. Make several cards with your New Year resolution recorded on them and add a deadline date, hand these out to 5 people who are close to you and ask them to check up with you on a regular basis. This way you will be committed to achieving your new goal or you will look bad in front of the people you love.

3.       A Big Goal is No Goal; A big mistake in goal setting and New Year resolutions, is to have big goals that seem so far in the distance they are hard to see. Now this doesn’t mean don’t have any big goals. In actual fact the bigger the goal the better. What you need to do to achieve any big goal is have several smaller goals or milestones to achieve first. People are really motivated when they see they are moving forwarding and achieving their goals, so set as many goals as you can to achieve your longer term big goal. As an example, if your big goal is “I will get a new job” your first goal could be to write a new CV and your second goal may be to apply for 7 jobs a week. As you achieve your small goals you will quickly achieve your big goal, i.e. securing a new job.

4.       Want or Will;   The wording you use when recording or saying your New Years resolution makes a real difference, because as we verbally say our goal  our mind creates a visual representation of this goal. Write down your goal now.
Did you record “I will…” or “I want to…” ? Research has proven that people who say “I want to….(goal)” are less likely to stick to their New Year resolution than the 'I will.. 'people. This is because “I want to..” isn't’t a real commitment and creates a different image in your mind than “I will…” which is the language of determination.

5.       Specifics;  To make a real difference in achieving this years New Year resolution, you need to be specific. Rather then just saying “I will be more healthy”, be specific and add detail “I will be more healthy by exercising three times a week and cutting my fat intake by 50%”. You can use these specifics as smaller goals and add more detail “I will exercise three times a week; I will go to the gym twice a  week for 60 minutes and running once a week for 30 minutes”.  Its all in the detail the more detail you have, the more specific your goal and the more likely you are to achieve your New Year Resolution.

6.       Fiction or Fact? All New Year resolutions need to be realistic. In our heart of hearts we know if we will achieve our resolution or not. If your New Year resolution is to give up smoking by February, but a close family relative has died, you have a multi-million pound deal to make at work and you have just quit drinking alcohol, then you need to ask yourself is this the right time to quit smoking? Do I really want to achieve this goal? For anyone to achieve any goal, their goal needs to be realistic.

7.       What Time is it Mr Wolf? “I will do it next week” the famous words for a thousand failed goal setters. A key factor in achieving your New Year resolution is to add a date/time for each big and small goal. I would also add this is the reason why the commitment cards work so well because they are timed – your friends and family will ask you about your progress at certain points along your journey. We are all more likely to complete any task with deadlines, as time adds a positive pressure. This happens to me all the time, I will WANT to wash the pots, but I will often leave it till the morning. But when I know a friend or relative is coming around to visit at 8:00 I will ensure I wash the pots by that time.

8.       Getting into Focus;  When working on a long term goal such as losing weight, starting a new career or business or saving up for a big holiday you need to stay focused as there will be days when you might eat that extra piece of cake, times when you don’t apply for that job because you are too tired or when you can't resist buying that new dress instead of saving your money. To stay focus you need a daily reminder of the outcome of your goal. Think about the positive difference that you will have in your life if you achieve your goal and either draw an image of this outcome or create a visual image by cutting out pictures from magazines. Once you have a creative picture that represents your positive outcome – how your life will be once you achieve your goal, place this image somewhere you will see it everyday (on your bathroom mirror/the back of your bedroom door) so you have a daily reminder of your New Year resolution.

9.       Ready, Steady, Go; Once you have a New Years resolution in mind, one that is getting you excited about your future you now need to take action. One of the biggest barriers to achieving goals is doing nothing about it, the less you do the more likely it is that you won’t achieve or even start to work towards your goal. So what is your goal and New Year's  resolution? And what can you do right now to move towards this goal? If you want to lose weight, you can empty your fridge of all the rubbish and fatty food. If you want a new career, you can research different industries. If you want a new house you ring your mortgage advisor. What is your goal and what can you do about it? Go do it now!

10.   The Future You;  Imagine that for whatever reason all your decisions and choices work out for the best and over the next twelve months you set and achieve your New year resolution. You become highly focus and highly motivated, your mind concentrates on your new goal and everything works out for the best, within the next twelve month you become the best you. Now imagine you can see your timeline in front of you and you can see images that represent the key actions, achievements and factors that will help you achieve your New Year resolution over the next 12 months. At the end of your timeline you can see the future you – the you at your best after a year of amazing activities and changes; what do you look like? How has your posture changed? How do you sound? Become aware of everything that is positively different about you. Now imagine you are this positive you, looking back down the timeline to the you now. If you could give the you now one piece of advice, what would it be?

By using these 10 rules to achieve your goals and New Year resolutions, you will see a real difference in your life as you become more positive and more determined. With many people as they achieve a goal in one area of their life they start to see positive changes in other areas of their life. They achieve things they wouldn’t have dreamed of 12 months before. You first need to decide – Do you really want to make a change? Do you want to achieve your New Year resolution? Are you happy to put in the work to make a real difference in your life?

If so, 1.Write down your goal 2. Detail the steps you will need to take to achieve it 3. Ensure that your goal is written in a positive (pleasure) way. 4. Give yourself deadlines 5. Make a commitment to others. 6. Visualise how achieving this goal will change your life for the best and Take Action Now.

Chris Delaney of Employment King helps people find and succeed in the right career for them. He has worked for many years in employment training and careers advice for disengaged young people and vulnerable adults. He helps people who are already in employment, further their careers, market themselves successfully for their next promotion and get the job they really want.
www.EmploymentKing.co.uk   info@employmentking.co.uk

New Year is a time for examining our lives, for vowing to improve and then usually deciding what we need to give up. Let’s look instead at ways to improve ourselves using positive resolutions.

Why not decide to start to:

- be more open and honest about your feelings. Instead of trying to please others, let them take responsibility for their own choices. By communicating more honestly you’ll build a better relationship both with yourself and with others.

- be more positive about your job. Work provides more than income in our lives: a reason to get up each day and look smart, social contact, challenge and satisfaction are some of the important benefits of being employed. Decide to relish the work opportunities that come along and try to do your best every day.

- commit to having positive people in your life. Friends often stay in our lives out of habit; over time you may come to realise that you do not even like them very much. Positive people bring with them fun, interesting conversation, energy and enthusiasm for life. Clear away negative, unsupportive people. Decide instead to spend time with positive, fulfilling friends.

- make time for those special people. Sometimes our priorities need re-assessing. Many people find that months can go by without them seeing their friends. Life can get in the way, but spending time with friends matters. If times are tough, people are short of time or money why not plan a dinner where each person prepares a course. One person provides the house and setting, the effort and expense are shared by all and you have a pleasant evening together.

- ensure that you do things you enjoy within your relationship. Compromise is an important part of sharing your life, but it’s important that your interests are also accommodated at times. Make a commitment to schedule activities that give you pleasure on a regular basis. That way you get to know each other better, respect each other’s interests and bring variety into the relationship.

- enjoy the things in life that are free. Start to notice the valuable experiences that cost nothing or very little in terms of expense. Walking on a beach or in the countryside, visiting art galleries, browsing in a book store, having friends round for coffee are all inexpensive ways of enjoying life. Some theatres host free lunchtime concerts. Find out what’s on in your home town.

- allow yourself some personal time. Many people are busy keeping their boss/family/friends happy. Other people’s priorities can often take precedence over our own. Schedule time for yourself on a regular basis. Appreciate that if you’d booked to see an important client you would be sure to keep that appointment. You’re equally important.

Treat yourself with kindness and you’ll find that the other areas of your life improve as a consequence. When you feel refreshed, recharged and happy everyone benefits. Positive resolutions support you looking after yourself. The results speak for themselves.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.  Further help, advice and articles are available. http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

When we are unexpectedly left alone, either through death or divorce it can be a long, painful process of healing and recovery. One person cannot fully appreciate what another is going through, no matter how understanding they may try to be. Time and reconciliation are the two keys to survival and moving on. Sometimes though significant dates and anniversaries can continue to remind us of what we have lost, of what we are missing in our lives.

There are particular times in the year when being alone is especially hard. Christmas, Bank holidays, long weekends, Valentines Day as well as more personal anniversaries can be poignant times which serve to underline our newly single status. Family and friends may be supportive, but cannot fully appreciate the mixed emotions experienced at these times.

Here are some thoughts to help with being newly single at significant times of the year:
- Certain times of the year can be especially difficult for a single person. At these times the whole world seems to be in love, involved in happy relationships, spending quality time together. Grieving for what you no longer have in your life is important. And it can take time to heal and become strong enough to be able to look back and smile at the happy memories, the fun times you shared together.

- Decide to treat yourself gently and pamper yourself at these times. Buy your favourite food, organise lovely things for yourself, arrange indulgent treatments, a book you’ve always wanted to read, a favourite film. Turn time that could be painful, lonely or negative into a pleasant, gentle occasion. Then settle down and enjoy some quality ‘me’ time. Being kind to yourself is important.

- Allow other people to help. Friends and family may be able to offer important support at difficult times of the year. Let them know if you’re feeling especially vulnerable and allow them to help. If they invite you to join them, be appreciative and allow them to include you in their plans. Sometimes invitations can lead to an interesting new direction or opportunities to form new friendships.

- Identify groups that interest you and join them. Not everyone is in or indeed wants to be in a relationship. Many groups have activities that are scheduled for Bank Holidays and Valentines Day. By joining an interesting group you meet like-minded people, potential new friends and maybe a new partner eventually, whilst keeping busy doing things that appeal to you.

- Work on improving your personal confidence levels. Maybe undertake counselling or hypnotherapy to support your healing, deal with the emotions and enable you to become stronger and more positive as a result. This commitment to therapy can help you learn from your experience, reconcile what you have been through and emerge as a stronger more rounded person.

- Some people find it beneficial to have a special memorial, especially at significant times of the year, like birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. Valentines Day can also be a poignant time, particularly if a soul mate has left your life. Holding a service or ritual can provide comfort and can sometimes be more effective if it’s done in private. It can be a personal way to remember the other person and acknowledge the important role they had in your life.

Finding a loving relationship, a soul mate brings colour and joy into our lives. Sharing our time, lives, hopes and dreams with a special someone, only to then lose that person can require a long period of healing and readjustment. Over time we aim to become strong and able to start again with our lives, a little older, wiser and more experienced than before.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.  Further help, advice and articles are available. http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Well, you might say “I’m a winner, I’ve got a bargain”.  But you might not be a month later when you can’t afford to pay your credit card bill.  So do you sit at home refusing to spend money?  That’s no fun!  So how do your manage shopping in the sales and make sure you don’t overspend?

To ensure you are a winner -

Only buy what you need
Clothes – check out your wardrobe before you go to see what you need.  Buy clothes that you know will need replacing in the next 12 months.  Buy clothes that fill a gap in your wardrobe.

Household – again look for what is missing or broken in your home and try and find a bargain alternative.  Keep a book of room measurements and window measurements in your bag and then you know whether that bargain will fit your room.

Only buy what you can afford
Don’t just use a credit card without thinking whether you are going to be able to pay the bill in full next month to avoid interest charges.  It is very tempting to spend, spend, and spend without control.  This is true at any time of year but particularly at the Christmas sales time.

If there is a large item that you need to buy, you may need to pay over a number of months or look out for interest free credit options.  And question prices for this.  Shops want to sell to you – you are in control.

Look out in the New Year for more help on only spending money that you have.

Only buy what fits
It’s a bargain and you love it.  But it is a size too small.  Don’t do it – it will just sit in your wardrobe unworn.  Maybe you will lose weight but you should only buy what fits today.  But for children’s clothing always buy for a future season unless your child is there to check the size.  All 5 year olds are not the same size!  So better to buy too big and use in the future than for the item to be unworn.

Stock up on basics
Buy things you know you will buy at some time in the year.  New underwear is a good example.  Buy some new socks and put the pack away for future use.  Maybe for birthdays to come?  Buy now at reduced prices but remember people won’t be able to return clothes so stock up with non-clothes items as well.  Buy next year Christmas cards at half price.  Just remember where you store all this!

Check out the end of sales
I have found that I can pick up some real bargains at the end of the sales.  You just need to go and check the back of rails.  And don’t forget sizing varies.  A size 10 dress may be left as too small for everyone but maybe it is very stretchy so try it on.  But don’t get carried away, just buy want you need.  I often find I can buy an evening dress at a very reduced cost and so buy a classic design and you are all sorted for the next year Christmas party.

Dress comfortably
Ladies, wear leggings and a vest top and that way you can just slip clothes on quickly to try.  It is always handy to have someone with you to hold handbags, coat and shopping bags. This leaves you free to delve into the fray.  You can also get a second opinion on your shopping.  But this is not one way - you may need to take it in turn with your partner to be the bag holder.

So enjoy the sales but remember that the credit card bill will have to be paid next month.

Sue Weighell is a highly experienced finance manager, having worked as a Finance Director and Managing Director, and a consultant within the accounting profession. Today Sue runs her own business to help individuals and businesses to organise their busy lives and get control over their tax and finances.
sue@delta-solutions.org.uk   www.delta-solutions.org.uk

For the guys:

Your woman needs Certainty, Compliments and Cherishing! So forget all the nagging she may have given you and do more of the following:-

Give her Certainty that you have got what, where and when things are happening over Christmas handled so that she doesn’t feel like you have left it all to her!

Compliment her on how she looks and what she has done to make things special for you and the familyJ

Cherish her! A quick private cuddle or a late night candlelit glass of something special for just the two of you will completely wow her***

She wants to feel ‘cared for’ so treat her like ‘a princess’ not a home help!

For the girls:

Your man needs Acknowledging, Appreciating and Adoring! So let go of anything he has done you don’t like and do loads of this:-

Acknowledge anything he does to help, even the little tasks like putting the rubbish out, tell him what makes him so much better than other men!

Tell him how much you Appreciate having him around and how that makes you feel!

Let him know what you admire and Adore about him..even if it’s difficult, dig deep!

He wants to feel like you ‘have him on a pedestal’ so treat him like your ‘man’ not a child!

And, for a love filled Christmas with everyone including your partner remember 2 things:-

1.    Let go of behavior we see that we don’t like, and so especially at this time of the year – Forgive and Forget!
2.    A quick question to think about if things get ‘disconnected’- Do you want to be right this Christmas or happy?

Nicki Vee is one part of the famous Tony & Nicki Vee partnership that has brought love clarity, certainty to so many people who thought they had lost it or would never find it. While they no longer operate their wonderful Love House in Austria, their legacy lives on through their mass of recorded and written material. To plug into what is currently available –email info@positive-input.org

Whether it is the age old problem of how you divide your time between your respective parents, fitting in with long established family rituals or dealing with critical, probing comments about you or your partner there are certain strategies that you can employ to maintain the bond of love with your partner over the festive session.
1.       Think ahead
Discuss and plan how you will divide your time and make sure your divisions are equitable – even if you might prefer spending more time with your own family – or indeed the in-laws – keep it fair.
2.       Stay loyal to your partner
Your primary allegiance is to your partner. If your mother openly criticises your partner don’t join in and make sure you challenge her on inappropriate behaviour. Try to understand that your partner may be responding to patterns of behaviour developed since childhood so cut them some slack if they are maybe not as focused on you as normal. Set clear boundaries with your own parents, especially if they are coming to your house for Christmas!
3.       Don’t bitch
Don’t bad mouth your partner’s parents, even if he or she does.  If you do feel that there is something inappropriate in the behaviour of a member of your partner’s family then raise it with your partner in a calm, rational and objective manner.
4.       Keep talking
Whatever the Christmas anxiety it is essential to keep up the communication with your partner.  Talk about your expectations, what you like and don’t like about the Christmas period and what you want to have happen.
5.       Manage your expectations
You may have unrealistic expectations of your partner or relationship over Christmas. The same things that annoy, irritate and infuriate you about your partner (and no matter how in love you are as a couple these exist) will still be there over Christmas.  So don’t expect your partner to suddenly be perfect and for everyone to get along like a house on fire. Accept the realities of your partner and family relationship and go with the flow.
6.       Get real about Gifts
You may worry whether you have bought too many or too few presents relative to your partner. Or whether your partner will appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gift you spent months sourcing. Perhaps you worry that an inappropriate gift from your partner is a reflection of how he or she feels about you.  Take joy in the act of giving itself and when receiving a gift – no matter how bizarre – focus on the thought behind the gift.
And remember some people express their love through gift giving, others do not. So if your partner does not get you that perfect gift or does not appreciate your gift as much as you would like don’t take this as a sign of not loving you. Think about all the other ways he or she expresses love to you. 

Tamsin Fielden is a performance coach, trainer and marketing communication consultant. She works with individuals and teams to help them change unhelpful beliefs, attitudes and behaviours and embrace helpful strategies to achieve their goals. 
www.provadisgroup.com

How do we avoid fractious children, tantruming parents and fireworks before the man in red himself arrives?
As school comes to an end and the festive season is in full swing how do we prevent the inevitable meltdown of over excited children...
·      
          Have a  plan, planning and organising in advance is most definitely the key. Most children like to have a structure.

·        Don’t over load, an easy one to do without realising it with so much to see and do so many of us try and cram in everything from Pantomimes to Christmas shopping to carols services to visiting Santa. Not to mention the endless round of extended family commitments Plan your activities decide what you really want to do (or have to do) and stick to it. One activity a day is enough for any adult so why would we want to fill every minute of every day throughout December for our children. Less is most definitely more, if you’re looking to maintain a happy household.

·        Sticking as much as possible the routines of family life, this will help slow down the hype

·        Keeping bedtimes routines as tired a child is just not going to cope with the festive frolics ahead of them without the necessary sleep

·        Make sure there is plenty of down time, by this time of year with its long dark days children become tired just as their parents do. Allow children time to rest, relax and play.  Television is truly a wonderful thing when it comes to encouraging relaxation.

·        Don’t think that you must fill your child’s life with play dates and constant entertainment it really is not necessary especially at this time of year.

And finally
Allow yourself some time, easier said than done I hear you yell...Your children will pick up on your stresses and strains so taking a few minutes a day for yourself, sit down have that coffee take a breath helps you take stock of what’s really important which will have a positive impact on your whole family.

Angelina has worked as teacher and trainer in the field of early childhood studies and health and social care. She is an experienced classroom teacher in both High Schools and Colleges of Further Education.
After delivering child care training course within Local Authorities, Angelina now operates on a freelance basis delivering CACHE courses for nationally recognised qualifications in Childcare/Early Years to students to across Stockport, Manchester and East Cheshire.
Angelina is a published author with three books to her name and is working on her fourth book which is a comprehensive guide to Childcare for pre-school age children.   ANGELINA JOHNSON aprj1969@yahoo.co.uk

Family are often our toughest critics and yet if someone from outside the family attacked us or voiced their disapproval they would usually become our staunchest allies. Families can sometimes struggle to be positive and supportive on a day-to-day basis, but will often rally when they are needed.

Let’s look at some ways to communicate better with the members of our family:

- Family relationships can be a minefield. On a day-to-day basis family should provide a comfortable, safe home. Hopefully it provides security, support, companionship, an easy familiarity where one can relax and be oneself. But equally family can be cruel. Brothers and sisters may struggle to get along. Parents may treat their children badly, talk to them in a harsh or dismissive way. And often family members become invisible to each other as individuals; they become simply ‘the children’ or ‘my parents’.

- Respect can be an area that needs attention. It can be easy to be dismissive or disrespectful when we know people really well. Having lived in close proximity it can become almost automatic to laugh off their fears and concerns, not fully appreciate the areas that cause them anxiety. Pausing for a moment to check our responses can help us become more insightful, respectful and sensitive. This change in attitude can result in much more positive relationships and communications with family members.

- Advice is often a problem area. Often family members feel that they are entitled to dispense freely with their comments, advice and criticisms without a second thought. Waiting until asked or tactfully picking a time when the subject is being discussed can be a more appropriate and respectful way of managing advice giving.

- The truth is, family members know our story better than anyone. They are only too aware of the horror stories in our past, the times when we made a fool of ourself or committed some embarrassing folly. They know all the anecdotes that we wish would be forgotten and as such have the power to remind us of those stories if they so choose. Consigning those stories to an appropriate occasion or a rare reminiscence is a way to communicate better with other family members.

- Family members can lose sight of who we are today, our many successes and accomplishments. They may still see us as the awkward child, struggling teenager or young apprentice. They may not value our achievements in the same way others might. Updating our appreciation of who our family member is today can inject respect and improve the way we communicate with each other.

- Reunions and family events can require a certain amount of diplomacy as estranged relatives meet and try to avoid each other or demonstrate how much nicer/ more successful/ popular they are than others in the group. Being tactful and good-humoured can be a strain, but remembering that this is a rare occurrence can be a help. Pretending that it’s a business event where good manners and best behaviour are required can be a way to successfully survive an unpleasant or infrequent reunion.

Some families love spending time with each other, speak regularly, keep each other updated with their news. For others, family relationships need treating with rather more caution. Whomever we are with, family, friends, colleagues, it is still important to treat people with respect, employ good manners and appreciate them as individuals in their own right. That way we find that we communicate better with each other and relationships become improved and more meaningful.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Christmas is one of the most food-orientated holidays of the year and with so much focus on food, drink and social occasions over eating and drinking seems not only inevitable but unavoidable.

For some people this does not cause much of a problem - they may over eat at some meals or over one day; maybe even a few days but then they go back to their normal routine and really think nothing of it.  And if they cared to weigh themselves a week or so later they'd no doubt find themselves at their pre Christmas weight.

However for a large number of people the increased focus and availability of food at this time of year causes added stress and anxiety.

The never-ending barrage of fabulous food can become just too much to resist and the temptation to 'throw in the towel' if you're dieting can be too great to deny.

However the price too often is guilt and self recrimination and a totally 'ruined' day. and getting back on track can seem hard.

And for anyone suffering from an eating disorder such as bulimia, binge eating or anorexia the festive season can take on nightmarish proportions and instead of looking forward to the festive season it becomes something to dread.

If being constantly surrounded by 'trigger' foods wasn't bad enough there can be plenty of 'trigger' situations as families get together bringing up old emotions and resentments.

However with a bit of forethought and planning many of the pit falls and minefields around at this time of year can be navigated so you not only survive but thrive and enjoy the Christmas and New Year Festivities.

To support you Julie Kerr a qualified coach, mentor and author has written a
10 -  Step Guide which can be downloaded for FREE by clicking the link below:

http://www.BulimiaFree.com/Christmas-Survival-Guide-2.pdf

Here are a few of Step titles to ‘whet your appetite’ for doing it right!

Step 3 – Acknowledge Your Negative Beliefs

Step 5 – Predict, Plan And Prepare For Any Pitfalls

Step 6 – Navigating The Food Minefields

Julie Kerr is a qualified coach, mentor and author supporting people suffering from bulimia to take control and transform their lives.  A  FREE download of her book "Loving Life After Bulimia: A Practical Guide to Reclaiming yourself and Your Life is available at    http://www.lovinglifeafterbulimia.com/

For women the pressure to provide the perfect Christmas, look perfect, be the perfect hostess, keep their pristine house whilst appearing cheerful can be exhausting.
And yet, year in, year out women continue to set themselves high standards, not wanting to disappoint children, partners, family and friends.

Many women set themselves up to be 'Superwoman'. They look at their friends who may appear to be in complete control, gifts wrapped, house decorated, everything in order. This compounds the requirement to make Christmas wonderful for everyone, but the pressure often means that they end up feeling weary and resentful. Let’s look at ways to ease the heavy burden.

Some thoughts:
- Plan ahead. Decide on a meal plan and prepare as much in advance as possible. Whether or not food is eaten on the assigned day is irrelevant. Having meals readily available to be served with minimal effort eases the pressure, especially if unexpected guests call. Attach the planner to the fridge door so that people can see what is available. That way others can help and tick off each dish as it is served.
- Buy some ready-made meals. Not everything has to be homemade and good quality food is readily available in many supermarkets. A simple addition of chopped herbs or a swirl of cream can make shop bought look homemade.
- Have some relaxed days. People get tired of lavish meals. Make a soup for lunch, lasagne or a hot-pot for supper. Served with crusty bread it is often a welcome change after days of rich, heavy food.
- Delegate. Some jobs can easily be passed to others. If the table isn’t set exactly right, or the wrong wine glasses are used, relax. No one else is likely to notice. Appreciate the input and remember, this is a family occasion. Let everyone feel good at helping and making their contribution.
- Share with a friend. Some people agree to share the effort and expense. They alternate hosting either Christmas Day lunch or New Years Eve dinner. Or take turns to have each other’s children overnight. That way the children entertain each other and parents can plan for a day or two’s respite from the noise.
- Say ‘no’ sometimes. People may enquire to see if you want to do something, have friends round for supper, go somewhere. If you are tired or want a night off politely decline. There’s no reason to feel guilty about not wanting to participate in everything. Don’t forget though, that it’s often the unexpected events that turn out to be the most fun. The evenings we don’t expect to be good are often the best because we have no real expectations.
- Set aside some ‘me’ time. Send everyone out to the park, for a walk or to enjoy a game of rounders and then have a leisurely bath, listen to music, read a book. Ensure that favourite television programmes are set to record, so that they can be enjoyed when you have some free time at a later date.
- Let others help. Often guests are happy to bring a dish with them, wash up, tidy round. Let them. There is no merit in being a weary martyr.

And remember, it is often the mishaps, the times that didn’t go quite to plan that people recount later with amusement and affection.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

How to Deal With the Pressure to Spend too Much Money at Christmas

Many people experience the pressure to spend too much money at Christmas. They feel that in order to make everything special they must buy the latest toys, impressive gifts, elaborate decorations, too much food and drink. The sentimental occasion portrayed by television adverts, books and films becomes something to aspire to.

Christmas is a time when many people want to live the fantasy of everything being perfect for a week or two. The reality is that ‘good enough’ is often just that. Many of those fabulously expensive presents are returned to the shops or are bought to impress but are not really appreciated.

For many people providing the perfect Christmas is a time of immense stress and worry; not least of all financial. The pressure to maintain standards, impress friends and neighbours, perhaps conceal the true state of their finances from others can cause the festive season to become a living nightmare.

Some thoughts:
- Instead of going to expensive department stores why not buy more original and often less expensive gifts from Christmas markets, craft fairs or privately owned shops? Often items in these places are high quality, original and have no obvious price bracket attached to them. They can be enjoyed in their own right, rather than because of their perceived financial worth or brand.

- Write a list of who you need to buy for, with ideas for suitable presents next to each name. Set a budget for each person. This avoids aimlessly wandering around stores and being seduced into buying expensive items out of desperation.

- Select a special, significant photograph and have it framed as a Christmas present. It will no doubt cause the recipient real pleasure. They will appreciate the thought and time that has gone into the gesture.

- If you have a particular skill why not utilise that at Christmas? Bake a delicious cake, arrange some lovely seasonal flowers, paint a picture or make something special as a unique gift.

- Offer to babysit. Parents will appreciate the opportunity to have a worry free night out leaving the children in the care of someone they know and trust.

- Agree to a limit of £10 per gift. That way everyone has to use their imagination and shop carefully. Some groups of friends agree to buy one present each and put them all into a sack. That way everyone gets one gift to mark Christmas, without having to exchange lots of expensive and unwanted items. In my experience, many people express relief when someone suggests this option.

- Wait to shop till nearer to Christmas if it’s possible. Many shops start their sales in the week before Christmas. Often really good value purchases can be made at this time.

- If the expense of entertaining is a worry why not make a hot-pot supper? People eat so many rich meals over Christmas that a simple, tasty, winter hot-pot with all the trimmings is often a welcome change and much appreciated.

- Plan some free activities with family and friends. Indoor activities can include board games, charades, quizes. Outdoor activities can include a brisk walk in the countryside or team sports like football, rounders. Many people enjoy these times and remember them as being the most fun.

- If several friends live nearby why not have a safari supper where one course is served at each person’s house. This is good fun and means that the effort and expense is spread between everyone.

A little forethought can make Christmas a more relaxed, less stressful occasion. Taking time to reduce the financial pressure, introduce some control and commit to spending only what you can afford allows you to relax and enjoy the true spirit of Christmas.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

Further help, advice and articles are available.
http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Please feel free to forward this email to anyone who you feel it may help.

John Donaldson & the Positive Input Team

Christmas is a time of stress, particularly for Women, but also for Men who are anxious to keep their end up.

The only people who seem to escape this pressure are Children and Hermits.

The usual pattern seems to be pre-Christmas Stress, building to Panic in the last few days, followed by Anti-Climax and then descent into Boredom.

We are aiming to provide some useful guidance from our panel of Experts on how to minimise or deal with these phases over the Twelve Days of Christmas.

Although the 12 days officially start on the 25th December, we are starting early to help with the pressures in the build-up stage.

We begin with an article by Susan Leigh

No. 1 - The Best Way to Survive Christmas
Christmas is a time filled with anticipation. The festive spirit looms large with dreams of happy families and joyful celebrations. The reality is often rather different, but planning ahead can help.
So let’s have a look at some ways you can relieve the pressure on you for Christmas:

- Decide on a budget for gifts in advance and agree with friends and adult family members how much you’re spending on each other. Often people are silently relieved that the issue is out in the open.

- Be steady with the booze. Alcohol is a major factor in many Christmas events, but an excess can result in horror stories  This year why not pace the booze, alternate dry days, ensure that there are soft drinks available, arrange alcohol-free activities.

- Plan ahead so that meals are organised. Stock the freezer and prepare dishes in advance. People will be appreciate being served a simple snack of homemade soup and fresh bread after all the heavy, rich dinners.

- Let others help. Some tasks can be delegated and often people enjoy being included. It is their Christmas too, and if they have not done as good a job as you, that’s fine.

- Introduce games as an alternative to television. Many people find that they enjoy indoor games like charades and board games.  Outdoor games like football and rounders or a walk in the local park can introduce fresh air and a welcome change of scenery.

- Acquire a timetable for local seasonal events. Carol services, interesting local markets, concerts can all provide a welcome distraction to house guests and potentially give you a break too.

- Prepare for minor accidents and have a first aid kit available.

- Look after yourself. Remember to record your favourite programmes, ensure that you schedule in some things that appeal to you, organise a rota for chores, let others help.

- Have something booked to look forward to in January. Plan ahead and book a meal out, arrange a glamorous dress up evening at someone’s house where everyone provides a dish or organise a pamper evening. Schedule something fun that provides a good feeling during the post-Christmas period.

- And remember, not everything has to be perfect. In fact, it’s often the mishaps that become the family anecdotes. They are the times that people later recall with affection.

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding, and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Please feel free to to forward this email to anyone who you feel it may help.

Tomorrow:  How to Deal With the Pressure to Be the Perfect Hostess

John Donaldson & the Positive Input Team      elve Days of Stressmas

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Money, Relationships & Christmas 

 

POSITIVE INPUT
Box 10 Bramhall
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Cheshire SK7 2QF
England
Positive Input is a
Not-For-Profit
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Money

The second BBC2 Money Programme was about Couples & Money.     It became obvious that some of the couples had not seriously discussed their differing approaches to money until the camera came into their home.

This didn’t prevent them bickering over money but no serious attention had been given to removing the stress that money issues were causing. All of them were clearly very attached to their partners. They were quite aware that money differences could break up the relationship but had not confronted the issues causing this danger.

Love Relationships
One of the strengths of a couple is that the partners have different temperaments. This is a paradox.

It seems we have these temperamental differences with our partner in love relationships to challenge us to become more loving and tolerant people. However that does not mean ignoring the issues. They are there to be worked out.

Often one partner has a stronger money management skills than the other......Nagging and complaining that the poor money manager should change, is unlikely to work. Maybe a better strategy is to get agreement for the one with better skills to take over the financial management of the family and the other to live within the structure they create.
 
A loving relationship is much too important to put at risk by not facing up to money management issues in a responsible way.  If neither partner has good money management skills, then Positive Input may have an answer for you!
 
Have you heard Christmas is coming?
Christmas is a time of high stress level, especially for women!  The stress levels caused by Christmas are only slightly less than those caused by money worries.
 
It is understandable that mothers want to create the best possible occasion for their children. But then a curious role reversal takes place! The mothers become children themselves, trying to meet the expectations of their own parents and other relatives. In this atmosphere of confused roles, family skeletons and alcohol loosened tongues, it is not surprising that friction can occur.

To help you get through the 12 days of Christmas and New Year, we will be sending daily mailings of tips, guidance and encouragement from the Positive Input team of Experts.

These will deal with not just the immediate stress of getting through Christmas and Boxing Day, but the post Christmas blues and the preparations for New Year. This will include making those New Year Resolutions and Good Intentions in ways which are more likely to stick.

Our aim will be to help you really have a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

More news soon

John Donaldson & the Positive Input Team

PS If you have received this mailing indirectly and would like to receive your own copy directly - click on the link below.
To opt-in to Positive Input updates, tips and guidance for Happier Life - click here

You can check out the website at any time - http://www.positive-input.org/home
- to get a feel for our practical, common sense approach to life’s challenges.

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I hope so!

It has just been announced that a £2 coin will be minted next Spring to commemorate the birth of Charles Dickens.

It will have round the edge the well known phrase of Mr Micawber. ‘Something will turn up!’

Wilkins Micawber is probably the most famous debtor in the world, so far!

This news is breath-taking because it shows how far out of touch the financial establishment, i.e. the people who decided this in the Royal Mint and those above who approved it, are with financial reality.

We are looking down the throat of the probable collapse of the money system as we know it in the next 12 months. The results will be catastrophic and well beyond the capacity of politicians and the financial establishment to prevent and probably to deal with.

It will be a rocky ride and let us hope something does turn-up for the many people who have become totally dependent on a so-called stable money system.

The good news could be that after using Money as the measure of success and well-being for the last 200 years, we might get round to trying something else.
How about LOVE?

More news soon
 

John Donaldson
P.S Positive Input is running a series of Webinars in the New Year with the theme ‘Prospering in 2012’.
It may be some people are wondering about surviving in 2012. We are being more positive!  There will be many opportunities to prosper if we know how to look for them.
If you wish to be informed of when the Prosperity Webinars are and who will be speaking or being interviewed, please click here to email us.

This week I watched the BBC2 Programme called ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire?’

It did it’s best to rubbish the wealth creation and self-development movement which is now taking hold in this country.

In my opinion, it failed!  The general drift was to disparage and diminish ordinary people attempting, and succeeding, to break out of financial drudgery!

However it gave a good platform to several of the leaders in the wealth coaching field. Robert & Kim Kiyosaki must have changed the thinking and financial prospects of millions people on the planet in the last 15 years. There was T. Harv Ecker who came across as an example of how good people use wealth to do good in the world. 

Then we had our own Marcus de Maria based in London who has built up a well-rounded wealth and self development programme which is producing impressive results without eroding his humility.

The programme gave a limited attention to the older people who had already achieved financial independence and demonstrated the confidence and lifestyle it gave them.

It concentrated more on the younger people who had yet to fulfill their promise and questioned the investment they were making in themselves. However those youngsters were already displaying impressive positive attitudes, strength of character and self-belief. This contrasts with the many disheartened and debt-ridden graduates produced by the majority of our universities.

Anyway watch the programme and judge for yourself! It is on BBC iPlayer for the next week or so
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b017xgn6/Money_Who_Wants_to_be_a_Millionaire/

Please let me know if you agree or disagree with my assessment.

Also see article ‘Why be a Wealthy Woman?’ on the Positive Input website which summarises Kim Kiyosaki’s views about why women are well advised to look after their own independent financial position.
http://www.positive-input.org/financial-health/why-become-a-wealthy-woman